My wellness journey starts with a question. A seemingly innocuous question, that soon became the bane of my existence.

“When are you going to have kids?”

Groan.

I’ve been asked this question since before my husband and I even got married and, while I know that people’s intentions are the very best, it’s infuriating to be on the receiving end of it. Asking it implies that my ability to have children is completely under my control. While the decision to try for children certainly is, that’s about the only factor I can affect.

Almost three years ago, we started to try. Or more accurately, remove all preventative measures. My first month off of birth control, my period was significantly late and we got jacked up at the prospect that we could have just gotten pregnant on the first try. Oh Carolyn, you fool. Surely enough, my period arrived several days later. Okay, no biggie. We’ll see what happens next month.

Next month turned into the next six months. And then nine. But each month was agonizingly long, as my cycles were anywhere from 35-42 days. At 11 months, I finally worked up the courage to broach the topic with my gynecologist. Yes, I had to pep-talk myself into doing this. All around me, people were announcing pregnancies and I was living life under a cloud of shame that my body seemed to be “broken.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

While my OBGYN ran some tests and put together a preliminary plan, I started to suspect that I had PCOS. I exhibited almost all of the telltale symptoms (irregular cycles, high levels of androgens, hirsutism which is super sexy, alopecia/hair loss and more), but I kept getting dismissed by my doctors because I wasn’t obese. Yet, I had packed on close to 20 pounds in my belly, hips and thighs. (I know, so cute)

Eventually, I got referred to a reproductive endocrinologist and we immediately launched into an aggressive fertility regimen that involved thyroid meds, follicle-stimulating shots, and a timed trigger shot. We did this routine for about a year. Still no results.

“But, isn’t food the best medicine?”

Throughout this year, I couldn’t help but ruminate on this: these meds are designed to get all of my hormone levels in balance so I could get pregnant. But I can’t stay on them forever. So how do I get my body back in-balance naturally? And, what about my undiagnosed-PCOS symptoms - how do I alleviate those without relying on band-aid drugs that don’t treat the underlying issue?

I became obsessed with nutrition. I’d always loved cooking and trying different diets (from Whole30 to 21 Day Fix and everything in between), and desperately wanted to understand the relationship between food and our physical, mental and emotional health. I devoured every book and documentary I could find. I put myself through a rigorous nutrition coaching program and I am now Precision Nutrition Pn-1 Certified.

And then I became obsessed with hormones and balance. So I pursued another license and I am now a Certified Hormone Specialist through the Institute of Transformational Nutrition.

“Now what?”

Currently, my husband and I are no longer pursuing medical intervention in our journey to have children together. I will never stop trying to have a baby. But, I am now using food as my medicine, and supplementing with a focused set of herbs and minerals that have clinical evidence in re-balancing the hormonal cascade in my body.

Although my journey hasn’t brought me a child (yet), I’m grateful for the passion it has cultivated in me to better understand nutrition. I started Nutrition Nerd to help women understand what healthy eating (and healthy treating!) looks like for them and their goals.

Because: food is medicine.